Finally your Legend of Zelda theories can be proven or disproven  with this official timeline chart that has been released by Nintendo for a 25th anniversary art book.

View the larger, easier to read version HERE!

Making snide jokes while watching terrible movies is a tradition here at IGN, but we’re just amateurs compared to Mike Nelson, who starred on Mystery Science Theater 3000 for ten years, and his crew at RiffTrax. Having mastered the art of making movies more humorous than they should be, the RiffTrax team is bringing their droll talents to the gaming world.
We sent them footage of the first act of Gears of War 3 and they had some fun. Watch the results and leave a comment telling us what you think. Like the video if it made you laugh and maybe we’ll do more! Get more RiffTrax at http://www.rifftrax.com/

Merry Christmas everyone. Tonight we get to chat with Laquita the Denny’s waitress. Laquita gives us some insight into the service industry and tells us some horror stories from the days when she used to work at IHOP.  All I’m gonna say is, don’t order burgers at IHOP. Joel “JT” Foreman from the Bitter Comics podcast will also be joining us and will be making his Audio Sandwich debut as a regular on the show.

Make sure to check out our website for the funniest pictures and videos on the web at www.TheNetwerk.com!

Listen live tonight at 7 P.M Pacific on Fccfreeradio.com.

Listen Live HERE!

Ridley Scott, director of “Alien” and “Blade Runner,” returns to the genre he helped define. With PROMETHEUS, he creates a groundbreaking mythology, in which a team of explorers discover a clue to the origins of mankind on Earth, leading them on a thrilling journey to the darkest corners of the universe. There, they must fight a terrifying battle to save the future of the human race.

Official Site: http://facebook.com/prometheus/

In theaters: June 8th, 2012

Or maybe it’s because you’re old, ugly, and nobody has ever loved you and nobody ever will.

Regardless of the reason, many of the more jolly individuals often choose to berate people for their inability to embrace the Christmas cheer, but there are a number of people that should get a free pass to be as grouchy as they like this time of year. People such as… CLICK HERE to read more!

#5. Jews

Do you remember when you were little, and the rich kid had a birthday party that was bound to be a badass extravaganza complete with a bouncehouse, petting zoo, and the entire cast of Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers? Now imagine instead of “the rich kid” it was God himself having a birthday party, and literally EVERYONE in your entire goddamn town is invited but you.

He may be a little preachy, but you gotta hand it to him, the man knows how to throw a party

Now you may be saying, “But what about Hanukkah? I mean, that’s an eight day long celebration.” Listen, comparing Christmas to Hanukkah is like comparing the day you win the lottery to Shark Week. Sure, Shark Week’s great, and it’s something to look forward to, but no one’s too broken up about missing a couple days. The simple fact of the matter is Hanukkah will never be able to stack up with the the feasts, and gifts of Christmas, because if you’ve ever eaten gefilte fish, you know how awful Jewish feasts are, and if you know anything about Jewish stereotypes, you can imagine what kind of gifts to expect.

“You’ll never believe the deal I got for those! Mere shekels they were!”

Maybe this year the Jews can get together with the Jehovah’s Witnesses and have their own Anti-Christmas down in someone’s basement and talk about how lame those Christian conformists are with their prototypical holiday celebration.

#4. Retail Workers

Nothing says “Thank you, Jesus, for dying for my sins,” like stepping on the faces of total strangers so you can save 40 bucks on a blu-ray player. ‘Tis the season. But what you’re forgetting is the tragedy behind all of these trampled masses: Someone’s gotta clean that shit up.

Come on guys, if you’re gonna step on her, use her hair as a welcome mat to wipe the blood off of your shoes. Honestly, some people are so inconsiderate.

The life of the retail employee is a sad enough mess to begin with; you ever wonder why Wal-Mart is always hiring? It’s because the suicide rate of retail employees is higher than that of Dashboard Confessional concert-goers. Their entire professional lives consist of letting people yell at them while they help sell things that they couldn’t afford with a month’s pay, and the Christmas season is the run-away diesel at the end of their freeway pileup of a year. They work 60 hours a week, further contributing to the commercialization of what’s supposed to be the holiest day on the Christian calendar while their friends who didn’t waste their high school education enjoy time off from their far more respectable jobs.

Pictured: More respectable job than retail employee

So the next time you’re thinking about yelling at the guy that wouldn’t give you the sale price listed in the week-old ad of a store that doesn’t even exist in that time zone, keep in mind that you’re the jackass that’s ruining his life. Besides, even if he is in the wrong, he’ll probably off himself soon enough, so he’ll get what’s coming to him.

#3. Orphans

What’s more depressing than orphans? Orphans at Christmas time. They have to deal with feeling unloved and rejected by society every minute of their lives. Now imagine their dismay come Christmas morning, as they rush out to the living room to see what treasures await them under the Christmas Stick, only to find a can of dried figs and a pair of their own pajamas re-wrapped in the tear-soaked paper towels they had used the night before.

Look how sad she is. Now kill her dad and take away her teddy bear.

Remember the birthday party analogy we did with the Jews? Well orphans are the kids that didn’t know they weren’t invited to the party and showed up anyway, only to find there wasn’t enough cake or party favors for them, and that nobody there had any interest in associating with them at all. Sure, some of the more religious kids will talk with them out of pity and share the candy they got from the pinata that was smashed open while the orphan was waiting in line to get into the bounce house that they had to deflate before he got his turn, but the fact is, everyone just wishes he would’ve just stayed home with the Jews.

#2. The Grinch

This guy gets a lot of guff for his hatred of Christmas, but I feel it’s fairly justified. The narrator explains that,

“It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight. It could be his head wasn’t screwed on just right. But I think that the most likely reason of all. May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.”

So for starters, he has no one that’s willing to shell out any amount of dough to get him a present, since he’s still wearing shoes that haven’t fit him since puberty. The parents of Whoville are wasting money buying their kids ridiculous combinations of bicycles, horns, and drums, meanwhile The Grinch can’t even get a pair of shoes that allows blood to flow freely to his feet.

Apparently this is what every resident of Whoville aspires to be.

Next, they say his head isn’t screwed on right. Now this could be taken literally or figuratively, but both are perfectly valid reasons to not want to gather in front of a giant tree and sing nonsense. Either he has some sort of physical abnormality which is disrupting the alignment of his head, apparently giving him the ability to rotate it 360 degrees, or he’s suffering from psychological problems, quite likely the result of living a lonely, paranoid existence in a cave atop a cliff. At any rate, what he needs isn’t some Christmas cheer and a nice serving of roast beast, he needs a doctor. Especially with that severe heart condition he’s afflicted by. Truly it’s a miracle he lived long to even develop any feelings for Christmas one way or the other.

#1. Elves

If retail employees have permission to hate Christmas, then elves should be allowed to murder anyone holding a candy cane. Elves are supposed to be wielding bows, killing orcs, and leaping nimbly through woods, not whittling rocking horses for toddlers. But now, due to what I assume was a terrible mass abduction in the forests of Lothlorien, they are enslaved by an obese geriatric who takes all the glory. Not only that, but the work of the elf is getting harder and harder every year. I mean, in the beginning there were only a couple hundred Christian kids who were asking for things like small wooden figurines, and new burlap sacks, but now there are hundreds of millions of kids who all want complex electronic devices. I don’t care how magically-graceful you are, assembling a circuit board by hand is not easy. And to top it all off, they have to live in the north pole. Have you ever been to the north pole? There’s a reason. It sucks.

So there you go. Hopefully this helps puts your miserable holiday experience into perspective so you can stop complaining about how hard it’s been for you to find parking this month. Either that, or you’ll find that you’re on the list, validating your feelings and giving you the right to grind dirt into the eye of one department store Santa per year. But still, take comfort in knowing you’re not an orphan Jew working retail.

“The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” follows title character Bilbo Baggins, who is swept into an epic quest to reclaim the lost Dwarf Kingdom of Erebor, which was long ago conquered by the dragon Smaug. Approached out of the blue by the wizard Gandalf the Grey, Bilbo finds himself joining a company of thirteen dwarves led by the legendary warrior, Thorin Oakensheild.

See more at http://www.thehobbit.com and http://www.facebook.com/TheHobbitMovie

Tried to record a new show for the last 3 days but the stars just wouldn’t align. Here’s a re-play from a few weeks ago.

Fantasy Football expert and super-nerd Mark Adams is back in studio as we talk about naming your bologna. We also talk about The 13 Most Insane Mexican Food Related Crimes.

Make sure to check out our website for the funniest pictures and videos on the web at www.TheNetwerk.com!

Listen live tonight at 7 P.M Pacific on Fccfreeradio.com.

Listen Live HERE!

Ridley Scott, director of “Alien” and “Blade Runner,” returns to the genre he helped define. With PROMETHEUS, he creates a groundbreaking mythology, in which a team of explorers discover a clue to the origins of mankind on Earth, leading them on a thrilling journey to the darkest corners of the universe. There, they must fight a terrifying battle to save the future of the human race.

Official Site: http://facebook.com/prometheus/

In theaters: June 8th, 2012

Eight years after the events of The Dark Knight, the terrorist leader Bane arrives in Gotham City, pushing it and its police force to their limits, forcing its former hero Batman to resurface after taking the fall for Harvey Dent’s crimes.

To watch more, visit tag

In this episode of Bitter Comics; JT is afraid of getting blown by a fat chick, Terry Michaels thinks if she’s already dead you might as well have sex with her, and Bobby Williams is impressed by Terry Michaels’ philosophy!

The list talked about on this weeks episode can be found Here.